Toby the Tangerine ~ my life.
Now that I have sat down to write this, it is difficult to know where to start.
Yes, yes , I hear you shouting, at the beginning Toby!
OK, I was born at a very young age and grew up on a Tangerine orchard in China, it was idyllic really, not a care in the world just hanging around in the trees, soaking up the sun.
Us Tangerines love the sun, but not too hot, we also love water and being well irrigated, can't beat a bit of irrigation.
Anyway after a few months of sunbathing, me and all of my other mates at the orchard were picked, it seems that man from the supermarket had said yes.
We were shipped off to the UK where we ended up sitting on the shelves, in the fruit section of the supermarket, we were a bit pithed off with that
at first, but we tried to look on the bright side and not let it get under our skins.
After only a few days on the shelf, I was bought by a nice family and taken home, spending the next few days in a fruit bowl with, some uncouth apples and a bunch
of banannas, the banannas kept themselves to themselves, they seemed inseparable, little did they know.
Finally it was time for me to go out into the world and earn my living, a new and exciting segment of my life, so I was sent off in a lunchbox and that's when things got interesting.
The other contents of the lunch box were duly eaten, but my owner had bigger ideas for me, he could see my superior potential.
I worked for 12 years as part of the engineering team of a major automotive safety systems manufacturer, who believe that you Ought-to-live, quite an achievement for a small citrus fruit.
We had fun for a few years, I had to take a bit of a back seat role in the team,
but whenever there was a need for team spirit to be raised or motivation
to be increased, then I would be wheeled out into the limelight, I would have preferred the tangerine light myself but apparently that wasn't and option.
Unfortunately things couldn't continue as they were, our European masters didn't like the fact that we were more efficient and productive than themselves,
not how they put it, so they took the ultimate step and closed our plant down and nicked all of our products and facilities.
It was during this period that the World Curry Tour (WCT) was instigated.
I tried to fight back, but lets face, there is only so much a small dried out tangerine can do. The ultimate humiliation was that I recieved no
redundancy or compensation package at all, apparently that is only applicable to humans, what sort of gratitude is that after 12 years of service.
Still it wasn't all bad, along with several other colleagues, I got a new position with another locally based manufacturer, producing sensors.
It was just like travelling back in time,
a sort of manufacturing museum, but some of the people were nice and they seemed to get by making the odd £million here or there.
But after 3 years in the museum, I had had enough, the company had subsequently been taken over by the giant Moneywell corporation and there was so much
red tape and countless bureaucratic systems that it was virtually impossible to get anything done. No life for Toby.
So now we are up to date, thats not a fruit based joke by the way, here I am now Toby the Tangerine, internet magnate and hyperspace dweller.
Some say that I am well passed my sell by date, which I guess is technically true, but I intend to carry on regardless, espousing fruit based irreverant
jollity as long as possible.